NECKBRACE

In this shade I find rest.

The sun’s coming out, winter will soon be gone.

As far as I can see to the right, the sky is crystal blue.

As far as I can see to the left, it is the same.

Why, God, did you choose blue?

And now, this wind blows my hair and the pages of my journal.

My God, how did you think of wind?

There are people walking everywhere.

You thought of their muscles. You engineered their brain!

The stresses of this world weigh heavy on my back, but it is good.

I used to walk around with my head down, focused on where I need to go. I had my plan and I had a need to execute it. But recently I’ve realized there’s a lot going on around me. I started loking at people’s faces when I walk by them. Man, the LORD is creative. There are some really funny looking people, and there’s some really stereotypically beautiful people. Me personally, I think the fact that everyone looks different makes everyone beautiful. Its just a shadow of whats really going on inside.

That’s another thing I’m realizing. The world doesn’t revolve around me, and my problems aren’t the only ones in the world. Some people wear their stress on their face. some are exausted. Some are so incredibly happy to be alive. Others walk with their heads down, looking up ocasionally just to see if any one notices them. Sometimes we feel invisible.

I want to notice everything, because I feel like my God has creatively shaped my world for a reason. If I could begin to realize that the human population is far greater than myself, a lot of my narcisistic pride would fade away. I am but a face in the crowd, but God has been gracious enough to lift my head. I once was the one that tried to be invisible, but God has sanctified me and told me “lift your head, My world is good.”

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THIS TOY IS MINE, DADDY

I feel like I've been so insanely busy lately that I haven't given myself time to sit and ponder another intricacy of the LORD. Wow. That sounds so frightening to actually write down. Because even if I'm busy with good things, if they become my best things I become an idolator.

How does this life work? Because I'm still in school and I don't have a job, but I feel like I'm pressed for time every day from 7AM to 10PM, and by the time 10 rolls around, all I want to do is veg-out. Ugh! But even as I write THAT I know there are little time wastes during the day that are okay, but they sometimes become my best things.

It is painful to say that I think I am not loving my God better today than I was yesterday.

But then again, circumstances in my life (specifically the ones I'm busy with) are TOTAL blessings. So does the LORD give blessing occasionally to see how we react? Yes. I believe many of the good things in our lives were given to us to see if we recognize that the blessings don't terminate on us, but are meant to spur some kind of worship in response to the Lord's hand in our lives. Because surely I won't say that all the great things going on in my life were given to me because the LORD thought "here ya go kid, ya done good." Because I haven't done good! DAILY I am constrained to be a debtor!

A man cannot come to the father unless the spirit draws him (John 6:44). I am TOTALLY deprived and in need of forgiveness! And God, in his grace grants me not only His forgiveness, but but blessings too! His forgiveness is endless and His grace overwhelming.

So then, praise be to God, The Forgiver, for showing mercy on me in my rebellion. But praise also be to Him for granting me a beautiful life, one that I love very deeply, and is full of moments where a higher power is undeniable.

P.S.

I wrote all that, and then opened my Bible and the LORD lead me to 1 Peter 1:6-7, which says:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials, these have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor, when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Pretty cool huh?

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